The Apple, 1980

TheApple1

A movie so bad that its fetid stench managed to permeate the interwebs and resurrect this blog from the dead…

Manahem Golan, one half of the Golan Globus hell-beast which wrought The Cannon Group and all its fell spawn upon the Earth — including King Solomon’s Mines and its sequel — revealed himself (and his ill intentions to sully the world of legitimate film) back in 1980 when he directed The Apple, his answer to Ken Russell’s 1975 rock-opera Tommy.  Complete lack of compelling characters, catchy music, dynamic choreography, nuanced dialogue, or a coherent plot were common threads in Manahem’s later work.  It is obvious upon viewing this film however, that time and experience must have dulled those tenets sufficiently enough for The Cannon Group to gain a foothold in Hollywood but thankfully in 1980 his horrendous lack of good taste far outweighed his burgeoning industry savvy.

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King Solomon’s Mines, 1985


One might assume that a film starring Richard Chamberlain, Herbert Lom and John Rhys-Davies would be a winner on star power alone.  One might also assume that a ready-made, in-jar mixture of peanut butter and jam would be a wondrous thing.

One would be wrong.  Oh so very wrong.

Please click to embiggen and revel in the pure shittiness of this poster.

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Jaws 3-D

Hot on the heels of Friday the 13th – Part III – 3D, J and I headed out to see Jaws 3-D with Dead Robot and Sharkboy at the Fox Theatre in the Beaches, Toronto. Screened on the last night of their 3D Festival, the audience for the film was far more animated than that gathered for F13-III. It made watching a film so bad that it can only be compared to drinking hot, steaming liquid shit for 1 hour and 40 minutes, one of the most enjoyable film-going experiences of recent memory.

Jaws 3-D

poster jaws 3d

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